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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Just Jay's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, November 11th, 2010
9:33 am
Writer's Block: Cover me
Which songs have been covered better by artists who didn't originally sing them?

jmkoeni
Sunday, June 22nd, 2008
7:26 pm
I don't know how much more Camp Rock I can take.
I'm alive. I didn't realize how long it has been since I updated. We are still married, looking at renting/buying a house, and talking about having another child. Speaking of child, the one in the pic with me is going to be 6 at the end of August and in the first grade. Damn do I feel old. That and the fact that I am going to be 30 might be a reason to.

Work is going. I like the job some days and on other days, I want to smack most of my co-workers. I am still working at Anthem, I finally got hired almost a year ago. I am thinking about transferring out of my department, but all the moves would be sideways, and not for much more then I am making now.
Sunday, February 18th, 2007
11:00 pm
Wow... where do i start..
I didnt realize that it has been this long since I have made a public post. There are some private ones but I am not going to open those up. What has been going on around here?

I moved out of the house today. I am staying at her moms apartment right now while she recovers at the rehab center from her surgery. If her rehab goes well then I will have to find an apartment like yesterday, and I will be moving into that. There has been alot of problems between Sarah and I for a long time. I thought we might be able to work through them. Right now I am pretty sure that the relationship is over. I love her and I will always love her, but I am just not happy anymore. I have been unhappy for a long time. I thought it would get better but since I wasn't telling her that I was unhappy it didn't. I probably owe her the biggest apology in the world and I am sure when all of this is over I will try to say im sorry. I know it will mean nothing right now. Kyleigh was told today that mommy and daddy were having problems and that daddy was going to move out. I will still be at the house everyday after school. She will still see me everyday during the week. I will have her on the weekends. With the way my job schedule is right now and me getting to work at 515 in the morning it doesnt make a whole lot of sense for her to be with me during the week.

Am I sad that the relationship is probably over? Of course I am. 8 years of marriage and 11 years together and I am throwing it down the drain because I am unhappy. I have been going through some pretty bad down cycles in the last couple of months. There has been a couple of times that its gotten to the point that I have thought of pushing it over the edge. I wont go that far, but the thought has crept into my mind a few times. I think in the long run that Sarah and I will be much better as friends and parents to Kyleigh then as husband and wife.

Current Mood: confused
Friday, September 29th, 2006
12:55 pm
A little of this a little of that..
* Tickets for Rent bought for next Sunday. Old lady turns 29 that day.

* Lunch was from Marks BBQ. Not bad. It was a thank you for all the work we have been killing ourselves for.

* Open Enrollment for MED D starts Monday. I hope this goes a lot better this year.

* I am so ready for this weekend. Helping Shannon with her yard tommorow. I am going to enjoy it. Not working at all this weekend. Its a miracle..

* Laundry and house cleaning on Sunday. I think this will be relaxing weekend.

* Won more bets last weekend. I am on a hot streak.
Saturday, September 16th, 2006
10:48 am
Football bets
Im taking Dallas over Washington
Im taking whoever over pittsburgh..

I have allready won 3 times this season.
Friday, September 8th, 2006
11:45 am
Update...
If you anybody has been reading smkoenig's livejournal, then you know that we have been having problems again. I told her a couple of weeks ago that I was not happy and that maybe it was time for us to think about splitting up. We have decided that we were going to start seperating some things in the case of us going our seperate ways. We are going to get seperate checking accounts, seperate cell phone's and start splitting the bills. I am tired of fighting about money, so this way we can decide to do with our money what ever we want. What to do with Kyleigh has been decided also. (Taking offers on the child)

We are going to try and work things out. I am not sure that we can, but we both are going to make an effort to do so. There are things that both of us need to change, I worry that maybe we might be to far gone to be able to change them. I am not casting blame on anyone, if anybody is to blame it is probably me, I am an asshole to live with. I am an asshole to deal with. For the sake of Kyleigh we have agreed that this will not get ugly under any circumstances. There will be no threats of calling the cops, no physical threats, no mental threats. If we can not work it out, I am confident that we will remain friends.

This will probably come as a shock to some of the people that we know, but I am tired of worrying about what my parents and everybody else thinks.
Wednesday, August 16th, 2006
12:28 pm
This and that...
Its amazing how somethings never seem to change. I have a million things that i want to post about, but of course I wait until the last possible minute to do this. I am so ready for this job to be over with. I want something fun and exciting. I feel like Howie on Big Brother. I want a "big boy job". Kill me now I just used big brother as a quote.

I could use Gordon Ramsey from Hells Kitchen. Your a donkey....
Saturday, August 12th, 2006
10:10 am
At work on Saturday
My birthday was yesterday. It was a good day to turn 28 I guess.

I got some money, the new Vengence DVD, and Mallrats on DVD. I also got Star Wars toys, that my daughter has allready taken for herself. Since I don't get to watch Raw anymore, the Vengence DVD was cool for all of the DX stuff. MallRats is in my top 10 of all time favorite movies. We also went and saw the Wiggles on Thursday. That was for my daughters birthday at the end of the month. Happy Birthday to me... Ha
Wednesday, July 19th, 2006
11:58 am
Treat me like a temp....
I am going to act like one. I am so ready for this job to be over with allready. They have allready let 3 people go. They gave them some stupid excuses for it to. They claimed that it was for prouduction, yet we have no guidelines. Our training was a joke. It was about 10 minutes and they act like they are to good to answer a question.

I have a lot more to talk about but my lunch is almost over.

Going to the drive in this past weekend was excellent. We went and saw Pirates 2. I saw a lot more then pirates.
Monday, July 10th, 2006
11:56 am
Long time no show.
A lot has been going on lately and it has been awhile since I updated. I think I might do this in bullet points, so I can remember it all.

- We bought a new car. Its a 2001 vitari. I like it. I didn't like it this morning when the door lock screws flew off and wouldnt close the damn door. It got fixed and we didnt have to pay for it. Thats a good thing.

- I got my bonus for the last job that I worked. It came and went. The bonus has allready been spent. We did the adult thing and paid bills. I change that we both got paid and then we got the bonus and the money went out the door.

- Fuck Republic Bank. We had 4 debits that totaled 12 dollars cost us 134 dollars. That was two weeks ago. It was fun getting paid, and then not having anything because of the bank.

- Fuck SafeAuto. Our car insurance went from 95 dollars a month, to 215 a month. Between the insurance, car payment, and the gas, the car is going to cost us $600 bucks a month.

- Home life is going good. We have been fighting a little bit but with the money stress and the stress of Kyleigh it has gotten to us a little bit.

- Sex this weekend was great.
Monday, June 26th, 2006
9:42 am
New job
I love how this company has temps come in every day or every other day and they still are not ready. We are sitting here waiting on them.
Friday, June 23rd, 2006
10:10 am
I hate having to pay for it...
But I am so glad that we have the washer and dryer in the house. For the first time in months all of the laundry is done. I just have to fold what is in the dryer and I don't have to worry about it..
9:52 am
Last day at Anthem...
I have been doing nothing but playing on the internet for the past 2 days. The work has trickled down to nothing. We have some stupid party today, but who knows how long I will stay for that. I am ready to leave now, but we are waiting for the rep from the temp service to come in. I am hoping that I will find out what my next job is. I am hoping it is the one that is close to here. I like being able to take Kyleigh to school before I go to work.

We found out the other night that a friend of ours is having his forth child. This is the second with his current wife. I am happy for them since they are both happy. That's not the type of life that I want for myself. I thought at one time, maybe that is what I wanted but not anymore. I think if we stick with the one that we both have and the two that I have then everything will be okay.

There is a lot of things that I want to get acoomplished in my life and I just don't think having any more kids will get that done.

Goals for the immediate future:

Get a new job
Go back to school
Get a new car
Find a house

Hopefully I will have next week off. If that is the case then there is a few things that I need to get accomplished.

Current Mood: tired
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
2:34 pm
The bomb hit...
Its not as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just got out of a meeting with the temp service and I found out that my last day is June 23. They told us that they have 3 job opps for us. One is with the same company but at a different location. The only problem is that most of the jobs will probably not be ready until July.

Not worried about it yet. Ask me next week..
Thursday, May 25th, 2006
12:27 pm
The dumbest thing that I have heard today
Katherine Mcphee had some type of butt implant last night. Tuesday night her butt was small but last night her butt got bigger. No the clothes got tighter..
9:44 am
This and that...
My entry just went poof into the morning. This week has been pretty good for tv shows.

24- The finale was great. I am just wondering where the hell they are going to go from here.

LOST- I have more questions then answers for this show. At least we don't have to wait as long for this show as we do for 24.

American Idol- I am glad Taylor won but damn I hate this show. If I was the owner or Maxim or Playboy. I would offer Katherine a brinks truck full of money to start taking clothes off.
Wednesday, May 17th, 2006
1:00 pm
Another day another dollar
At least I now know that I am not the only one that is waiting for June to get here. Everyone of the people that still works here that came in with my training class is waiting for this job to be over with. This job is so boring, I am finding myelf playing on the internet all the time.
Tuesday, May 16th, 2006
3:01 pm
Personal Demons...
In the last couple of weeks I have been forced to hear and read about certain people in my life who seem to think that they are perfect and do nothing wrong.

I have never claimed to be perfect. I have a lot of things that float in my brain that I am not proud of. There are things that I have done in my life that I am not proud of.

- I have a child out of wedlock. Not only did I cheat on my wife, I got the girl pregnant. I love the little girl but I wish I could go back in time and hit the erase button on that part of my life. I pay my child support and I try to see the child when I can. Due to problems with both her mother and her grandmother who is now raising the child, I don't see my daughter all that often. Every time I try to make the effort to see her the rug is pulled out from underneath me.

_ I have a horrible temper. My fuse is probably the shortest it has been in a long time. In the past I will admit to hitting Sarah. Its been a long time since I have done it, but my temper is still a problem. Thankfully I have not turned my anger on Kyleigh. I will admit to spanking her on occasion. She is at that age right now where everything is funny to her. If she refuses to do something she gets in trouble and she likes to see how far she can push it.

- I have thought of killing myself more then one time in life. When I was still in high school it was really bad. It has gotten better over time, but I still have those moments where I am like fuck it I am done with this shit. I am positive that I suffer from some form of depression. I know I am not maniac or anything of that nature, I just know that there is something there.

- I have serious self esteem issues. I hate the way I look, the way I feel in my clothes. The way I feel in my body really.

- I bag on religion all the time. The thing that floored me a couple of weeks ago I found out my mom is starting to read the bible. My parents are about as anti-religion as it gets. Sometimes I wonder if there is something missing in my life. I have been giving it a lot of thought lately, but I am still not sure.

My whole point of this mini rant. Damn I look pathetic. Anyway I am sick of people who point fingers at people and claim that they are the problem. Own up to your mistakes. Stop trying to pretend to be someone your not. Stop hiding behind the computer and a website, claiming I have all these great new friends. What you have is people who know the front that you put on and not the person behind the front. As soon as people figure out that the front is fake and so are you, the person turns nasty. Your the problem not everybody else. I am sick and tired of people pretending they are better then everybody else. I would take a person who has a million problems and admits to them over someone who claims that they are perfect all the time. Karma will eventually come around and kick you dead in the nuts.

Current Mood: busy
Saturday, May 6th, 2006
11:48 am
Working on a Saturday
It's only four hours and then I have to run errands for a little while. This weekend is allready starting out to be different. Sarah went out last night with Mindy and some other people. I don't care that she went out, but I have a problem with her coming home 25 minutes before I have to be at work this morning. That was fun trying to explain to Kyleigh where her mom was. Not mad at her, but I am pretty sure she is going to be tripping over herself the rest of today..

Nothing much has been going on. I still have no motivation to be at work. I had to send my resume to the temp service. They said that they will start looking to place me in something different so that when I am done here, I will have another job to go straight to..

We were supposed to go to a bbq today for the Kentucky Derby. I have to work and to be honest there is something that has been bothering me about my parents again. I am not really going to comment on it, but I know someone reads my journal still and I don't want my feelings to get to the wrong people.

Current Mood: guilty
Friday, April 28th, 2006
2:08 pm
Quick thought even though I am sure I dont have one
Everytime I get in the elevators at work, I think that I am either going to die or get stuck on one.
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